I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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