The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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