Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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