haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
