She went from zero to smokin in five shots
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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