I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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