Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
