You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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