just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
