You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
