I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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