sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
