I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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