I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
