nut hugger
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
