but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
