I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
