She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
