I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
