he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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