Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
