Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
