I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
