just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
