she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
