also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
