Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
