I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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