Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A bitchslap is in order.
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