I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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