3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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