i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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