i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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