I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
