what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
