My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
