I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
