Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I deserve this hangover.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
