singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
