My room smells like vodka and shame
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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