Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
