His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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