yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
