im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
