brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
