It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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