I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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