I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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