Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
operation harelip BJ is a go
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
