when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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