How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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