yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
