Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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