Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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