You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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