Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
