I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
