you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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