I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize