guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
