Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
