you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
