woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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