i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
