My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
