apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
